... ..flotsam ....August 20, 2007   Unable to write, the Beastmaster posts an old idea for a screenplay: It's about a disturbed loner who finds employment as a "life coach."  By day, he advises clients on how they can lead happier, more productive lives.  By night, he kills them.  This "death coach" wants the media to follow his serial killings but, unfortunately, nobody cares about the victims because, frankly, they were pathetic losers.  So he moves to New Jersey and gets a job in Schering-Plough's footcare division.  There he works in a factory stamping Dr. Scholl's shoe inserts with sizing patterns.  The confusing dotted lines exacerbate his insanity and he begins using the word "surreal" to describe things and events that are merely "strange" or "unusual."  He is fired for insubordination when he refuses to be gellin.  As he ponders his next move, he sees an infomercial for an arts and crafts device that looks like a plastic stapler.  Soon he is killing again, but now he leaves his victims bejeweled with rhinestones and gleaming studs.  He realizes it was the best $19.95 he ever spent when a local reporter refers to him as The Bedazzler.  Of course, serial killing doesn't pay the bills so The Bedazzler buys an old house and opens a bed and breakfast.  Business soon suffers when guests discover he offers neither beds nor breakfasts. previous..|..current..|..archives..|..3d quarter index..|..next

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