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July 21, 2003 the fly Opposing counsel is known in these parts as The Fly.  He is known as The Fly in these parts because I live in these parts and I nickname people.  There are lawyers who have actually called me requesting a nickname, as though I were Bluto Blutarsky and the local bar was Delta House.  I politely explain it doesn't work that way.  One gets nicknamed at my pleasure. As you've likely guessed, The Fly is so-named because he looks exactly--I mean exactly--like Jeff Goldblum at the midpoint of his transformation from human to fly.  The Fly not only looks like The Fly, he smells and acts like The Fly.  I'm not shitting you.  It's  amazing.  anyway, I don't like The Fly, and not just because he looks, smells, and acts like The Fly.  I don't like him because he's a pathological liar.  But I'll say no more.  He may read this with his compound eyes. Maybe I'll say a little more.  The Fly uses a trick almost everyone "on the spot" uses, whether that person is a lawyer, a politician, a reporter, or a giant insect.  When he's about to lie or, when he's been called on one, The Fly says in a dismissive tone, "Well, [fill in name of person(s) being conned] it was/is my understanding that [supply statement or position that has no basis in fact, but which favors the speaker].  For example, "Well, Your Honor, it was my understanding that Mr. Jones was going to stipulate to liability but, since he now says he isn't, I must request a continuance."  To make my point here, I'll parse and translate:  "Well, Your Honor, despite the fact that Mr. Jones never agreed, implied, or even mentioned stipulating to liability, I choose to understand that he did so because I failed to subpoena any witnesses and it sure would be great if I didn't have to prove my case and, thus, I could understand my way to victory or a continuance." So today The Fly tells me he understood the doctor's deposition was tentative despite the fact it was properly noticed, it had been pending for three months, there was never any mention or implication the deposition might not go forward, and no other attorney in the case thought the deposition was anything but definite.  Still, The Fly hovered there, understanding like a motherfucker that the deposition hadn't really been scheduled.  The only thing he didn't understand was why his understanding of the situation did not make it fact. "Look," I said, "suppose I told you it was my understanding that you were once a larva and, later, a pupa.  Would that make it so?  Wait, wait...bad example."

©  2003 by the beastmaster