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February 9, 2003 guilty in the garden  Contrary to popular belief, the Garden of Eden described in Genesis was not located on Madison Avenue, and Adam did not wear a three-piece fig leaf.  The naturalization of all that is, by right, unnatural, began with Clairol's Herbal Essence shampoo.  Growing up, all we had was Prell and Breck and, for the truly unfortunate, Head and Shoulders.  We went around with completely unnatural hair or, worse, unnatural hair with natural white flakes and dry, itchy scalps.  So when the chance came along for me to forget about the 60s and take my mind off disco, I bit. Then I quit.  The original formula smelled like freshly-cut St. Augustine grass.  The fragrance reminded me I hadn't mown the lawn and that made me feel guiltier than I felt for jerking off four times a day, often while in the shower, head lathered with Herbal Essence.  So I went back to artificial shampoos, but that lasted only a week because, by then, Clairol had raked in approximately one zillion dollars and everybody had gotten into the act.  It wasn't long before you couldn't find a personal hygiene product that didn't contain "botanicals" or "herbal extracts." All of which is to say I'm glad they're now focusing on sex and the proper relationship between shampoo and multiple orgasms.  I can wash my hair without feeling guilty.

©  2003 by the beastmaster