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January 25, 2003 if only my gods would lighten up My friend finished her windy story of joy and good fortune.  Before I could slap the bliss off her face, she let it slip that "the gods were smiling" on her.  I stayed my hand.  The happiness and incredible luck were not her fault. Nor was peace and contentment the fault of three other acquaintances who, in the last week, gave credit to gods smiling upon them.  So I asked myself, "Who are these gods?  Why are they smiling?  And why aren't my gods attending the same celestial rave?" Because they weren't invited, that's why. Suffering with a scorching headache for two solid days, I prayed to Saint Denis, the patron saint of headaches.  Beheaded in 258 A.D., he often strolled around Paris carrying his own severed head. Before meeting with my lawyer Wednesday, I prayed to Guntramnus, the patron saint of divorced people.  Guntramnus divorced his wife, Mercatrude, and shortly thereafter, she became seriously ill.  When her physician could not cure her, Guntramnus had the doctor murdered. If only my gods would lighten up..

©  2003 by the beastmaster