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December 24, 2002 i was dangerous I knew it was only a matter of time before Hollywood paired Pig Fetus and Blinky in a "romantic comedy." Sandra Bullock is overrated by virtue of being rated at all.  And her face resembles that of a pig fetus.  Hugh Grant is a pussy whose idea of acting is to stammer and blink.  The movie will make a fortune. Speaking of movies, I broke my rule against sitting in a theater with the masses.  A Tolkien fan, I accompanied my daughter to see The Two Towers.  Not only did we attend on a weekend, but we attended on a weekend during Christmas vacation.  The movie house was packed with ill-bred, Ritalin-crazed barbarians and malodorous seat-stuffers.  An orc-like creature sat next to my daughter and repeatedly spit into a cup a substance identified as "dip."  I made my daughter move to the seat on the other side of me so that I was separated from the orc by one empty seat.  Despite his enormity and prominent brow, I leaned across the seat and suggested he immediately stop spitting lest he spend the holidays with my pocketknife blade in his ribs and a large box of Milk Duds up his ass.  He stopped.  I don't think it was the threat so much as the way it was delivered.  My daughter later told me that, despite my slight, 5'7" frame and my John Lennon eyeglasses, I looked remarkably dangerous. I was.

©  2002 by the beastmaster