previous  |  main  |  index  |  next

December 19, 2002 the libertine colon Some say the penis has a mind of its own.  I cannot speak to this;  mine is retarded.  But I am confident the penis has nothing on the colon.  If the penis is wayward, the colon is libertine. I recently took a three day vacation in a city located but a few hours' drive from my home.  I was secretive about the trip and told no one I was leaving.  I was especially careful to keep my colon in the dark.  Apparently, my colon is a "home-body" and hates to travel.  But no matter what I do, quick trip or long journey, my bowels know I'm away.  They become petulant and uncooperative. On this occasion, I drove four hours, arrived at my destination, and checked into a fine hotel.  I ordered from room service a bowl of Shredded Bran and Bran with Mixed Legumes and a pot of coffee.  I ate two bowls of the cereal, drank a half pot of black coffee, and smoked a cigarette.  I took a brisk walk and returned to my hotel room where I sat on the toilet and read Leviticus from a Gideon's Bible I found in the nightstand drawer.  As I finished reading the Laws on Purification and Atonement, I realized it was hopeless.  My colon's intransigence made Ramses's position on Hebrew independence seem pussified.  I could not let my "people" go.  I could not even evict them. My constipation ended when I returned home.  As I pulled into the driveway, I felt a movement not of spirit, but of bowels.  A Higher Power was at work.  And I surrendered to it.

©  2002 by the beastmaster