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October 26, 2002 pussy nation We have become a nation of pussies. The other day, I was watching a football game between two California colleges.  I noticed that penalty flags were being thrown on almost every play.  Curious, I deactivated the mute button just in time to hear the referee call "roughing the psyche! 15 yards. First down."  From what I could gather, it's now illegal to tackle the opposing ball carrier behind the line of scrimmage because it lowers the self-esteem of both the running back and the O-line.  Two plays later, a place kicker missed a 39 yard field goal.  Except for the punter who patted his ass, the other players avoided the scrawny foreigner.  This brought an "intentional alienation" call which was assessed on the kickoff.  And it didn't stop there.  Other penalties included:  "Holding... on to anger;" "Illegal use of the word 'poopy;'" "Interference with an aura;"  and "Blocking below the chakra." After the game, I listened to a grief counselor interview the losing team's captain, Blaine "Jammies" Nagurski.  Jammies had his head on the counselor's shoulder, crying so hard his eye-black smudged.  He sobbed something about treating his inner child to some spa cuisine and a Jacuzzi. I sat back in my Barcalounger, scratched my balls, and hit the mute button.

©  2002 by the beastmaster