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October 5, 2002 an affliction most vile I have been stricken by an affliction most vile--an aphthous throat ulcer the size of a commemorative "Miss Liberty" quarter, lovingly handcrafted at the Franklin Mint.  The pain is excruciating and unrelenting.  I can neither eat nor drink so I've become dehydrated.  This, in turn, has caused constipation, headaches, weakness, and fatigue.  Nothing provides relief and I've been driven to the brink of insanity.  Tomorrow, I'll hike to the edge of madness and save the bus fare. I haven't found a physician who understands my condition.  Their unfamiliarity with recent developments in medicine is mind-boggling.  They actually seem encouraged by screams of agony and rending of garments noting, "Pain is Nature's way of letting you know something is wrong."  Well, gee Doc, that certainly advances the inquiry.  I pretty well knew something was wrong when I had to jab a sharp stick in my eye to take my mind off my throat.  And here's something I'd like to tell Nature:  DON'T PASS NOTES TO ME THROUGH PAIN.  IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL ME--LIKE SOMETHING IN MY BODY IS MALFUNCTIONING--TELL ME DIRECTLY.  DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT USE PAIN AS A MESSENGER. I ended up finding a site on the internet devoted to my condition.  I have ordered those products I'm allowed to order and I am searching for a doctor who will buy a cauterizing agent sold only to "medical professionals."  When the pain subsides and I become rehydrated, I will write more.

©  2002 by the beastmaster