previous  |  main  |  index  |  next

August 13, 2002 a precautionary tale If you're like me, you worry yourself sick over uneven mattress wear.  Over a period of twenty years or so, a mattress can be misaligned by as much as a micron unless proper precautions are taken.  By "proper precautions," I mean, of course, rotation. When I moved into the Alhambra almost one year ago, I bought a new mattress.  The "marital mattress" remained with The Party of the First Part.  I alone became responsible for my sleep quality so, in addition to a PDR, I studied the owner's manual.  It was fascinating.  I paid particular attention to the section designated "Frequent Solitary Slumber."  Apparently, the leading cause of uneven wear in queen-sized mattresses is something the experts call "Unattractiveness."  So I began rotating the mattress according to diagrams in the manual.  Soon, however, I was as lost as Hansel.  Without a sophisticated computer tracking system, it was impossible to remember the last rotation; I was unable to calculate my next move.  Then it hit me.  Instead of rotating the mattress, why not rotate myself? I tested the theory.  The first week, I slept lengthwise on the left side of the bed.  The second week, I slept on its right half.  In the following weeks, I lay horizontally across the head, across the foot, diagonally.  I even slept under the mattress, between the mattress and the boxsprings.  It was tough, but worth it.  After six months of rotating myself on and around my mattress, my levels, calipers, and plumb bobs recorded complete uniformity. It is true what they say: rotation, rotation, rotation.

©  2002 by the beastmaster