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May 15, 2002 goo from a carp's spleen My housekeeper gave my radio-alarm clock a spit-shine and repositioned the tuner from its customary Roman Catholic programming to a non-station of low level static.  In my normal waking state, I sense perpetual low level static so its emanation from my radio at 6:00 AM did nothing to rouse me from slumber. When I finally awoke, I lay in bed and rubbed my eyes to follow the colored dots.  I began to ponder questions which have haunted me for as long as I can remember.  Questions like:  How is it that shark liver oil is the active ingredient in hemorrhoidal suppositories?  What pioneer, afflicted with the burning and itching of inflamed hemorrhoidal tissues, had the presence of mind to kill a shark, remove and press its liver, and slather the oily byproduct on his asshole?  Was trial and error used?  Did this unheralded scientist, this Pasteur of the Posterior, use other fish, other organs?  Did he originally butter his bunghole with, say, goo from a carp's spleen? I could only speculate.

©  2002 by the beastmaster