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March 21, 2002 honorable mention I hearken back to a time when people still hearkened, a time when parents were only parents, not micromanagers or even "friends" of their offspring.  Unlike modern parents who validate their own existence by the triumphs of their children, my parents were content to shelter, feed, and clothe me while they lived their own lives using, get this, their own lives... not mine.  Today's parents spend every waking moment making sure little Ryan and little Megan are so busy and so "involved" with sports, school, and lessons of every description, it's a wonder little Ryan ever learns to beat his meat or little Megan figures out how to get a second date.  My parents left me to my own devices; now, parents never leave their poor kids alone.  And it only seems to worsen by college.  The parents I know who have college-age children judge themselves and, more interestingly, everyone else, according to the colleges their children attend.  When I was a kid, grownups were civilized and judged each other on truly important things like the size of their houses.  Nowadays, you are expected to commit Hara-Kiri in the town square if little Dylan or little Ashley decides to attend State U. I started thinking about this subject after hearing of parents who actually devise, construct, and execute their children's science projects.  It never occurred to either me or my parents that they, having graduated from school, should have to go through it again simply because they had one too many highballs and conceived me.  Their absence probably explains why my science projects--like making toothpaste or coughing on a petri dish--were always awarded "honorable mention," aka "dead fucking last." I may be a loner, exiled by drink and divorce, but I accomplished every failure all by myself.  And that, I believe, is worth honorable mention.

©  2002 by the beastmaster