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December 30, 2001 predictions for 2002 It's that time of  year when any soothsayer worth his sooth makes predictions for the coming year.  As a direct descendant of Nostradamus, the 16th century French physician who abandoned medicine for future-gazing when he discovered he was "all thumbs" with leeches, I will go on record here with my own predictions for 2002.  In the interest of modesty, I have limited  my predictions to ten.  They are:       1. The Washington Post uncovers secret hospital records which prove that George W. Bush was born a cyclops and, subsequently, had his one eye surgically divided into two thereby enhancing his chances to become President.     2. The tabloid press reveals that Sharon Stone has divorced Phil Bronstein and, in a private ceremony, has married the Komodo dragon that tried to eat Phil.     3. Scientists report a study linking second-hand incense smoke with lung cancer.     4. Scientists document a link between yoga and early dementia.     5. In an exclusive interview with Barbara Walters, both Mullah Omar and Osama Bin Laden introduce themselves as "Richard C. Reid."      6. Emeril Lagasse is assassinated by Martha Stewart using a doily-muzzled 9mm from her Everyday Handgun Collection.     7. Martha Stewart is acquitted and issues a one-word statement to the media:  "BAM!"     8. Patsy Ramsey dresses up John Ramsey as a two-bit whore and enters him the "Lil Miss Georgia" pageant.  He is second runner-up.     9. People who drink alcohol will, in fact, have more fun than those who don't.    10. I will sleep the "sleep of the just;"  just what, I cannot see.

©  2001 by the beastmaster