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December 5, 2001 listing
In a spasm of signing reminiscent of Joe Cocker at Woodstock, my deaf-mute therapist advised me to avoid remarriage for a minimum of three years. Dr. Keller also instructed me to make a list of ten characteristics I require in my next mate. After the list is made, I am to rank the characteristics in order of importance to me. Finally, I am to flag those characteristics that are "non-negotiable." According to Keller, I cannot marry anyone who does not possess at least 80% of these characteristics. Here is the unranked, unflagged list I compiled in about ten minutes this afternoon:
1. She must be intelligent, having neither a desire to prove it nor a fear of revealing it.I believe Dr. Keller is single.2. She must have a proper sense of humor; that is, we must agree on what is funny.
3. She must be attractive in whatever way ATTRACTS me. this includes everything from appearance to style to grace to smell.
4. She must be secure.
5. She must be a good housekeeper and cook.
6. She must tend toward quiet.
7. She must crave and appreciate beauty in nature and the arts.
8. Her religious beliefs must be tentative, vague, and disorganized.
9. She must be kind, generous, and thoughtful.
10. Her ideas about money and politics should be substantially similar to my own but, above all, they must be an afterthought.
© 2001 by the beastmaster