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november 25, 2001 sticky fingers Mmy entire body is covered with fir sap soo some of these kkeys are ssticking to my fingerss.  Lett me wash up. There.  That's better. Today I went to a Christmas tree lot and bought an eight-foot tree which I stuffed into the trunk of my car like I was The Grinch and my car was a Whoville chimney.  Earlier, I had been to K-Mart where, along with some tacky, impersonal ornaments, I purchased an item advertised as "The Ultimate Christmas Tree Stand."  The plan was to get the tree to the Alhambra where I would erect and decorate it without help from anyone. Because the tree extended beyond my trunk by about seven feet, I drove from the "Messiah Tree Lot" to the Alhambra at roughly three miles per hour.  This is slower than even the merriest motorist wishes to travel.  Still, many of my fellow shoppers invoked the names of God and Christ as they shouted greetings over their roaring engines and passed me like I was a Nativity scene.  Eventually, I got the tree home and dragged it inside. The Ultimate Christmas Tree Stand has a "patented 2 level screw design" which allows one to set up his tree "in minutes."  Although the label was silent as to the number of minutes required, I proved the claim true in only 180 of them.  I'll wait until my Tranxene prescription is refilled tomorrow before I tackle the lights and their patented "mesh design."

©  2001 by the beastmaster